Dingle-Retarded: JMU’s Commencement
Ponder this. You’re graduating from James Madison U. and your commencement speaker (Tom Dingledine) tells you to hold hands and close your eyes as new age music is cued. Quick, you have two seconds to decide what to do?
- 1) Grab the hand next to you because she is a hottie
- 2) Start the wave
- 3) Begin to converse with those next to about your Barney-esque robes
- 4) Start laughing hysterically
I chose option four. The students behind me chose option two. A couple JMU CRs choose option three and option one goes to my friend who was still riding high from his celebration the night before (he has a girlfriend).
For my parents sake I wish the bureaucrats who put the ceremony together had tried to stop indoctrinating us, but they tried to the very end. What made college fun was my friends. I showed up to the commencement knowing camaraderie would make it rewarding (and believe me, I will never forget it). I wanted to say hi to Dr. Scott Hammond and others who made the academics rewarding. I came to boo Dr. Rose.
Thank you to my friends and especially all of the College Republicans who made college such a great time.
P.S. the frequency of my posts will decrease as I have now graduated, but I hope to welcome a new group of bloggers to take over from Archimedes, Mr. Churchill, Jacques Lemaire, and I over the summer. Email us at CRFVBlog@gmail.com to inquire about how to become a blogger. Best wishes!
This post was written by Grozet on May 7th, 2008.
Comments: 3
Comments
Comment from Ron
Time: May 8, 2008, 7:32 am
Congratulations!
Comment from Bulldog
Time: May 8, 2008, 4:48 pm
Rose is utterly useless. And my sister and I chose option four, for the record:-D
Comment from Mr. Churchill
Time: May 13, 2008, 10:38 pm
I chose option four, as did many of my surrounding graduates. My particular section of the crowd ranged from the slightly worried awkward giggle, to the outright open (and loud) laughter (my particular brand of vodka, if you’re interested…). I think the Dingledoofus speech was properly summarized by Archimedes, who said something to this effect (forgive me for any inaccuracies, it’s been a few weeks)
“I forgot how to swallow while drinking water that may (or may not) have been the same water which trickled from the sweating brow of Socrates; or perhaps from the mud puddle in which Sally Struthers and her malnourished African AIDS-ravaged orphan (who actually lives in Malibu) shoot their TV commercials. At any rate, let’s hold hands and Be the One For All And All For Together One Change, while listening to a fundraising speech at 8 AM on a Saturday - which, of course, we were forced to attend by threats of angry parents and grandparents, and not out of any desire to see the useless waste of carbon named Dr.* Rose.”
JMU’s commencement speaker choice shows Dr.* Rose’s commitment to Money First, as well as his disregard for students. I would remind Dr.* Money that commencement exercises are purely ceremonial, and are held to honor the achievements of the graduates - not as fundraisers. As such, the commencement speaker should reflect something other than the president’s incessant fundraising efforts - namely, the wishes of the graduating students. I would add to the above that we, the students, did not wish to dignify Mr. Dingleberry (or whatever his name is) by attending a bought-and-paid-for speech, which would put him at the same level of honor reserved (around the state) for people more important than he ever will be - this year’s crop including Senator John Warner and Chuck Norris. Seriously, who outside of JMU has ever heard of that guy?
JMU, you can expect my life as an alumnus to be highly profitable - for me, and not a dime of my money for you.
* “Dr.” Rose is rumoured to have been given his doctorate as an honorary doctorate. I would have hoped that my alma mater could hire a president who, y’know, actually EARNED their doctorate.
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